


wake me up i'm dreaming (get me through the night)

by makemelovely



Series: i wake [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, F/F, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, the jane/mike is more prominent than the other one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-26 19:33:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20394997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makemelovely/pseuds/makemelovely
Summary: “I’m in love with you, Max.” Jane reveals, the words dripping off her tongue like honey. “God, Max, I’ve been in love with you for so long. Forever, it feels like.”Max’s face drops, all the light sinking deep below the surface, and Jane has the horrible heavy feeling that she’s made a mistake.





	wake me up i'm dreaming (get me through the night)

**Author's Note:**

> same soulmate au rules apply to this one
> 
> title from before the breakdown by we are the tigers

The sun brushes gentle fingers along Jane’s skin, warm and pleasant. She sighs in contentment, stretching out like a cat and basking in the sunlight. She feels warm all over, and she tilts her head to smile at Max.

Max grins at her lazily, fingers drifting through the sand. A bottle of sunscreen sits beside her, copiously applied. There’s a softness in Max’s eyes, warm and gentle in all the ways Jane’s been craving her entire life. She thinks briefly of Mike and the clumsy way he and learned how to braid her hair for her, guilt rising up before being washed away by the glow of Max’s smile. Everything is right in the world when Max is smiling at her like that.

“This is such a nice day.” Jane hums, cheeks flushed with happiness. She can smell the sea and feel the wind brushing beside her, and most importantly she can feel Max’s fingers brushing against hers, and the warmth of that sends a shower of sparks down Jane’s spine.

Max leans her head back, nodding her agreement. “I’m just glad we get to spend the day together. It feels like forever since we’ve spent any time together.” A coldness spreads across Jane’s lower back, a chilling ache that sets her on edge. “I miss you.” Max adds, and Jane tries to set her discomfort aside.

She forces herself to relax, to drag up some of that tranquility she had felt moments ago. “I miss you, too.” Jane replies, tries to breathe in normally. The air feels heavy in her chest, and there’s this oddness to the world around her. It’s as if the world is tilted off its axis.

She swallows, her throat painfully dry. “Max-” she starts to say, but there’s a crackling energy in the air. She tips her head back, and the once clear blue sky is now dark and cloudy. Jane catches her lower lip between her teeth, her palms itching at the tension sweeping through the air. Rain drops from the sky like a bucket has been turned over, both misty and pelting at the same time. Jane sucks in a breath, lets it find a home in her lungs before she turns to Max.

Or, well, where Max had been just five seconds ago. “Max?” Jane asks, glancing around. Her skin crawls with pure panic, and her heart hammers when she finally catches sight of Max.

Max, pale faced and screaming, reaches out for her. Her hands stretching out through the infinite space between them, endlessly seeking and fruitlessly searching. Her voice gets caught in the wind, torn from her throat and whipped around in the air.

“Max!” Jane screams, the words billowing in her chest and booming, but the volume is tossed away by the wind, careless and cruel. Her heart stutters in her chest, and it’s like her lungs are collapsing in on themselves as Max is torn away. Rain blinds Jane’s vision, obscuring her line of sight and preventing her from keeping a watchful eye on Max. “Max!” She sobs.

For one moment her vision is restored. “Max?” She tries to say, but she can only wrap her lips around the shape of her name. She whirls around, eyes searching for Max. She doesn't find her.

The rain starts up again, utterly relentless. Jane is alone in the storm, calling for Max and getting no response.

Her clothes are completely soaked, and there's a shiver working its way perpetually under her skin. Her body is battered by the elements, and Jane can't help but think it would all be okay if Max were here, if she could just reach out and touch her.

Guess that's why this is a nightmare.

* * *

Jane wakes up with an endless ache in her chest, a longing for a safe haven that she’ll probably never have. She runs her hands through her hair, sits up in bed, and wipes away the tears streaking down her cheeks. She smiles, lets the delicate movement wobble before strengthening it, solidifying it. She dresses in cute sweaters and skirts, eager to look the part of a sweet carefree girl who doesn't long for the love of someone who is  _ not  _ her boyfriend.

Mike, sweet Mike. They had been dating since sixth grade, and when Jane’s nightmares started she didn't tell him. She remembers that first night, body curled inward as if to protect herself from the terrifying feeling of being adored, wholly and completely, by someone she wasn't with. She had always thought that when she had the dreams they would be starring Mike.

At first it had been a shadowy figure, blunt nails skimming through her hair, but she could never recall what exactly this person looked like. Then Max came to town, and Jane thought her smile lit up the whole sky. That night she dreamed of Max for the first time, and everything was different the next morning.

Now she trudges through life waiting to get to the other side.

She’s not sure what she’s pushing to get to, but anything would be better than the exhaustion hanging like a cloak around her shoulders, weighing her down and obscuring her clear view of the world.

Maybe she’s just trying to get through one day after the other, pushing through the monotonous struggle of linear time. Or maybe she’s just trying to get to school early enough to see Max before the bell rings.

She doesn't see her before the bell rings, but her smile blooms to full brightness when Max makes her way into their shared English class. Jane bites her lip worriedly, staring at the dark circles under her eyes and fretting to herself.

“You feeling okay?” Jane asks her, reaching out before she could stop herself. Her fingers glide over Max’s hair, soft and comforting. Her heart leaps in her chest, frantic and wild and she wonders if Max will somehow know just from this gesture.

Max leans into her touch, the smallest sigh escaping from her mouth. Jane’s not even sure she notices. “Yeah, just,” Max flings an arm out, gesturing wildly. Jane smiles, amusement softening the edges of her concern. “You know.” Max mutters, using her arm as a pillow.

Yeah, she really does know. “Ah, nightmares.” Jane nods, swallowing down the sudden fear gripping her chest with an ice cold iron grip. She thinks of last night’s nightmare, of Max gone in the hurricane and her all alone. She shivers despite the heat of the room.

“Yeah.” Max says, eyes fluttering shut. They don't really have anything to do in class today. Max is too tired to read anyways, and Jane already finished the book.

When she was younger she used to read for hours before bed because she thought her brain might get too full of book knowledge to gift her nightmares. She had tested the hypothesis for a month, but nothing really came of it. The nightmares always came, but it had become a habit.

Jane glances at the teacher before returning her attention to Max. She takes a quick breath before biting the bullet and asking Max what she needs to know. “Do you know who it is?” She whispers, courage flaring up inside of her. Hope burns so brightly in her heart in that one moment.

Max breathes deeply and evenly before replying. “No idea.” She answers, and Jane feels a bit like she’s back in her nightmare, horribly unanchored.

Jane can feel the disappointment rising up in her chest, and she tries to swallow it back as best as she can. This isn't the answer she wanted, but life isn't exactly about giving her what she wants. That's right. Jane Hopper is just one big cosmic joke.

Although, Jane muses, it’s not like it doesn't have its upsides. Jane looks at Max, sleeping peacefully. Her dark eyelashes flutter, drifting against her pale skin. Love is welling up inside of Jane, and she can't help but want a vessel to pour it into.

* * *

Max lays in her arms, and Jane presses a kiss between her shoulder blades, smiling against her warm skin. Max laughs, the sound warm and soft in the quiet room. Jane giggles, warmth flooding her whole body. She feels like she could glow from happiness.

“You're such a dork.” Jane whispers, skating her hands up and down Max’s arms.

“Am not!” Max protests, and Jane can hear the smile in her voice.

Jane holds her tighter, savoring the feeling of Max in her arms. This fleeting moment passing with every second. “Are too.” Jane replies, but there’s a lingering sadness in her words, and she knows Max can hear it.

Max rolls over carefully, deliberately keeping herself wrapped in Jane’s arms. “What's wrong?” She asks, reaching out and tucking a strand of hair behind Jane’s ear. Her blue eyes scan over her face, questioning and wondering but kind and open.

“I just,” Jane sighs, trying to release all of the tension in her body. “I always want to hold you in my arms. I never want to do not do that, you know?”

“I know. God, I know.” Max leans forward, connecting their lips softly. They kiss slowly and sweetly, like any fervor will break the spell lingering in the air, brushing against their skin. She pulls away, placing her hands feather light against Jane’s cheeks, framing her face. “I love you.” She says, and glass grows in the cracks of Jane’s splintering heart.

“I love you too.” Jane replies, and she  _ aches.  _ “So much.” Her voice cracks.

“What are you thinking about?” Max asks her, laying her head back down. They lay there for a moment, Jane holding her tightly.

Jane swallows, tightening her grip on Max. “I never want to be without you.” She confesses.

“Oh, Jane.” Max laughs, the sound more breath than anything. “I’m right here. I’ll always be right here.” She promises.

Jane strokes her cheek reverently, tenderness bleeding through the soft touch of her fingers. “We both know that isn't true.” Jane murmurs.

* * *

She wakes up alone, her arms slowly going cold as the lingering warmth fades. She wishes the dream had been real, and the space beside her is inviting. She wonders if Max would be happy with her, wonders if it matters.

She goes back to sleep.

* * *

She knows she should tell Mike. He deserves to know that she’s in love with someone else. That she’s had her dreams for awhile now, and he isn't in them. Well, he might be, but Jane only sees Max. It’s like the rest of the world goes dim and Max is the only one not shadowed, but wreathed in light.

She knows she should tell Mike, but she can never quite push the words out. They sit in her throat, unmoving.

“Hey,” Mike grins at her, leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers. Close-mouthed, chaste. Jane smiles at him, tangling her fingers in his and ignoring the guilt churning in her gut.

_ Why can't I just tell him?  _ She thinks.

“Hey,” she pokes idly at a hole in her jeans, finger pressing against the top of her knee. “So, how are you?” She asks.

“Better now that I’m with you.” Mike tells her earnestly, sweetly. Jane swallows, but she squeezes his hand softly. “I’m good. Will and I went around putting posters up for Dustin since he and Suz skipped to go to Chicago for the day. I think Lucas went with them.” Mike traces Will’s name absently on Jane’s hand, nail swishing over the W and gliding sharply through the double L.

Jane wants to ask him if he loves Will like she loves Max. She wants to ask him if his heart pounds like a train when Will is near. If he loves Will more than anybody thinks is physically possible, like your whole body will implode if you don't see him every day. Like he’s oxygen.

She doesn't ask him. She just reaches over and hugs Mike, inhaling the scent of his cologne and fabric softener. Mike sighs against her, tucking his chin against the top of her head.

“Have you had any dreams lately?” Mike asks her quietly, the words almost lost against her hair.

Jane forces her body to remain relaxed, knows stiffening will only confirm his worst fears. Jane pulls back a little, meeting his warm brown eyes. “No,” she lies carefully. She hates herself. “Have you?”

Mike ducks down, breath ghosting along her lips. “No.” He whispers, and leans forward to kiss her. Jane lets him, sneaking her cold hands under his sweater and feeling his warm skin.

She wonders if Max’s skin is this warm.

She kind of hates herself for wondering.

* * *

She had loved Mike once. It’s not like she’s been leading him on this whole time.

Once upon a time she had even thought he was her soulmate. And then the dreams were shadowy, and she couldn't bear to tell him the truth. That she had given her heart to him, but it wasn't his to have.

She had pretended for awhile that he was her soulmate. That she still loved him as much as she had before. Then Max had moved her, and for the first time Jane dreamt of someone. Max’s face, glowing in her mind like a beacon, and Jane had felt that tug on her heart. She followed after her, letting her heart lead her to her soulmate. Every dream she was searching for Max, for the girl who shared some of the same soul as her.

She knows she needs to tell Mike, but he smiles at her and she isn't sure if she can break his heart. Besides, she doesn't even know if Max is her soulmate, and she can live with the nightmares. She’s  _ been  _ living with her nightmares.

It’s okay.

It’s all going to be okay.

* * *

Maybe.

* * *

Mike is laying beside her, fingers wound tightly through hers. “She isn't going to love you back, you know?” He asks, voice light. It’s like he’s commenting on how nice the weather is or how blue the sky looks.

Jane swallows, and she feels the impact his words have on her heart. It’s like a sucker punch to the stomach or a kick to the ribs. It’s a physical pain, bruising on her body to remind her. “What do you mean?” She probes cautiously, carefully avoiding his gaze.

He turns over on his side, pushing himself up to look down at her. “You know who I mean.” He presses.

Jane’s bones feel cold, and she desperately tries not to shiver. “No, I don't think I do.” She whispers.

Mike sighs, world weary and heavy. “Max.” He relents. “She isn't going to love you back.”

Jane turns away from him, can't look up at his calculating expression any longer. “I know.” She admits softly, burying her fingers in the grass. “I think I’ve known this whole time.”

The sun shines down on them, warmth spreading over Jane’s skin like a soothing balm. She rolls over, staring at Max who is now where Mike was.

“I love you.” Jane whispers to her like it’s a secret, and really it  _ is.  _ Her secret, and maybe kind of  _ their  _ secret.

“Prove it.” Max dares her, grinning happily, and Jane wonders what would happen if she just leaned over and kissed her. If Max would kiss back or if she’d pull away with that wide eyed hurt expression that Jane loathes.

“What do you want me to do?” Jane asks.

Max’s smile positively glows, and Jane gets the feeling that she was just waiting for Jane to ask her. “Come with me.” Max clambers to her feet, grabbing Jane’s hand before pulling her up and dragging her along. She doesn't mind. She likes the way Max holds her hand firmly and unapologetically.

“I’d go anywhere with you.” Jane promises, and she feels warm all over when Max looks over her shoulder with the softest smile she’s ever seen.

“Good,” Max says. “We’re here.” She’s stopped by a large oak tree, ropes lying on the ground.

“What is this?” Jane wonders, stomach swooping.

“This is how you're going to prove that you love me. I’m going to tie you here and step away. If you love me, you’ll know I’ll come back. If you don't, you’ll call for me.” Max looks at her expectantly. Jane doesn't know why, but the words fall out of her mouth before she can think about it. She agrees.

“There.” Max finishes tying the ropes, and Jane’s stomach drops all the way to her shoes. “Do you love me?”

“I’m in love with you, Max.” Jane reveals, the words dripping off her tongue like honey. “God, Max, I’ve been in love with you for so long. Forever, it feels like.”

Max’s face drops, all the light sinking deep below the surface, and Jane has the horrible heavy feeling that she’s made a mistake. “Oh, Jane,” She breathes before turning and disappearing into the shadowy woods surrounding them.

Jane bites down on her lower lip ferociously, willing herself not to ruin whatever it is Max is trying to make Jane prove. She sits silently in the woods as her legs begin to ache and the darkness swells around her.

Footsteps, a twig snapping under foot. “Max?” Jane breathes, hardly dares to hope.

“No,” Mike ducks into view. “Guess again.” He smiles sadly at her.

_ No,  _ Jane thinks.  _ No.  _ “Where's Max?” Her voice sounds like a croak, tearing out of her throat quietly.

“Jane, she left you.” He shakes his head slightly. “I told you, Jane. I knew she wouldn't love you back.  _ You  _ knew she wouldn't love you back, and yet you said it anyways. Why?” He runs a hand through his hair.

Jane’s mouth is dry. “I had to tell her.” She glances up at him, eyes dry. “Mike, I had to tell her.” She repeats, feeling the loss and shaping it in her mouth.

“No, you didn't. She’s not coming back.” Mike tells her before melting into the shadows.

“Please don't leave.” Jane pleads, but he doesn't answer. A chill sweeps over Jane, and she understands. They're both gone.

Max left her. “Max! Max!” Jane screams, sobs, shouts until her voice is raw and the pain is tangible. She jerks against the ropes, but she doesn't really move, her fingers fisted into a ball at her sides. “Max!” She shrieks into the dark forest, and she knows she’s broken the rules, but she can't stop letting Max’s name rip through her.

“Max, Max, Max,” she whimpers as the forest grows colder and darker.

She knows Max isn't coming back.

Nobody is coming for her, and she can't help but blame herself.

* * *

She wakes up, back stiff and her arms firmly glued to her sides. Her room is dark, and she repeats Max’s name like a mantra until morning.

She doesn't move until light creeps into her room and she can see for sure that there aren't ropes binding her. That she can move, that they aren't restricting her even as she feels them digging into her skin. She feels them as she leans up, arms moving past the ropes and away.

Relief crashes through her, and it almost makes her dizzy.

_ I am okay,  _ she thinks as gets dressed.  _ I am not alone. _

* * *

Mike can tell something is wrong with her. Jane wants to reassure him that she’s fine, but she can still feel the echo of rope burns on her upper arms and the crushing feeling in her chest that she’s been left behind, abandoned. He tells her stupid jokes in the car and he tells her the entire plotline of, like, three separate comic book series’.

Jane smiles, and tries to shake off the weird feeling lingering.

If things were different, Jane thinks she might even love him. If there were no dreams and no soulmates. If it was just them, things would be different. The only thing Jane doesn't know is if she would be happy that way.

Part of her wishes the answer was yes. The other part knows that Max makes her heart light up in different ways than Mike. Max makes her heart glow, absolutely lit up from the inside. Mike made her feel happy, but he didn't make her shine the way Max does. She’s not quite sure what that means.

Mike is in the middle of telling her when he trips, arms shooting out wildly to try and keep his balance. It’s ridiculously cute, like a baby deer is walking for the first time. Jane laughs, loudly and cheerfully. Mike grins bashfully, cheeks flushing as he pushes the double doors open, Jane grabbing his elbow so he can lead her around while she laughs.

It’s stupid to laugh about, but she can practically see the bright blue pride pumping in his heart, and she feels happy knowing she made him a little happier. She leans up. “Thank you.” She tells him, breathless with laughter. The look Mike shoots her is pure fondness. “You're welcome.” He whispers back, and Jane allows herself a moment to love Mike as she really does. As a friend.

Her eyes drift over to Max, and confusion nestles deep down in her heart at the sight of Will. She’s looking steadily at him, and there's a lightness in her face that makes Jane ache. Max only ever looks tired nowadays, and her throat closes up at the thought of Max and Will together. Maybe she loves him. Maybe they are soulmates.

Maybe Jane really is nothing to her.

She and Mike wander over to them, and Jane grips Mike’s arm like a lifeline. She’s been set adrift, and he's the only anchor she has right now.

“Since when are they friends?” Jane mutters to him.

Mike shrugs, looking just as befuddled as she does. “I don't really know.”

Max hugs him, and something flickers in Jane’s heart, like a light dying out. “What's up with you two?” Jane bites out, horrible insecurity gnawing away at her insides. Her brain is screaming at her that she’s losing Max, and Jane just wants it to shut up for a minute.

“Nothing.” Max runs a hand through her hair, and Jane’s eyes are glued to her. “Just two kids who get each other, you know?” She smiles at him, gentle as a dove, and Jane wants to cry.

“Oh.” She says, and she wants to crumble in on herself. Max doesn't seem to notice her, and the thought strikes right between Jane’s ribs. She can feel her space in Max’s heart diminishing, shrinking. Becoming  _ less.  _ The thought absolutely terrifies her.

Max doesn't notice anything amiss, and Jane tries to listen as the topic changes to Will’s art class, but it’s all out of focus and blurry.

Nothing feels right anymore.

* * *

Jane pats the spot next to her on the couch. “Sit next to me, babe. I’ve missed you.” Jane smiles sweetly at the redhead.

Max hums noncommittally. “No thanks. I’d rather sit by somebody else.” 

Jane gapes at her on the couch.

* * *

“What a stupid fucking dream.”

* * *

“You look beautiful.” Jane whispers in the quiet of the room.

Max looks up, blushing. “Thanks, Jane. You look incredible.” Her eyes drift over Jane, taking in her soft pink dress and carefully done curls.

Max is a vision in her sky blue dress, hair straightened. Jane thinks that if she wasn't in love before she sure is now. It’s funny because who wouldn't be in love with Max always. “I had to cake this concealer on.” Max complains, swiping eyeshadow across her lids.

“Under eye circles?” Jane muses.

“Yeah. They're in right now.” Max jokes, and Jane giggles.

“I always knew you were a fashion expert, Mayfield.” Jane teases, leaning in and tapping her nose.

“You know it, Hopper.” Max replies, brushing a stray eyelash off of Jane’s cheek. Her breathing stutters, and it’s then that Jane realizes how close they are. She could lean down just the slightest bit, and their lips would brush. A little more, and she’d be kissing her.

“Let me do your lipstick.” Jane requests, the words coming out before she can think better of them.

“Yeah, go ahead.” Max swallows once before closing her eyes, completely trusting Jane.

“I have just the color for you.” Jane promises, grabbing said color. She traces her thumb over Max’s lips, watching as Max breathes in and out. She gently applies the lipstick with careful strokes. “There,” she says softly. “No smudges.”

Max’s eyes flutter open, a shy smile on her face. “Thanks.”

Jane cups her jaw for a second. “Of course.” She smiles at her, and she hopes Max can feel the love in it.

Hopper knocks on the door, entering only after Jane gives the okay. “Wheeler is here.” He says gruffly, and Jane presses a kiss to his cheek before she sweeps out of the house.

* * *

Jane sways in Mike’s arms as an old Doris Day song plays in the background. She isn't focused on Mike, but rather the girl across the room. Max is dancing with stupid Robert from stupid Chem class, and Jane has never wanted to be someone more.

The streamers hang from the rafters, an array of pinks and blues and golds. A million colors, and a million people in the world, but she wants the girl dancing with Robert from Chem class. Jane clings tighter to Mike, chin leaning on his shoulder as she stares at Max.

Max meets her eyes, hovering awkwardly on Robert’s shoulder. Max’s eyes flash briefly to Mike’s back before returning. Jane thinks about looking away, but she doesn't. She watches Max, and there's a shocking amount of joy in her stomach at the way Max doesn't look away either.

There's something unreadable in Max’s expression. A muted kind of longing that Jane feels pulsing in her throat. She tries to convey all she can in her eyes, and she hopes Max understands.

Hopes she understands that Jane’s heart is beating in her hands, steady and efficient.

Hopes she understands that she would tear the whole world apart for her. Fix it all up again in her image.

Hopes she understands that Jane  _ loves  _ her. Loves her in every single way, in every possible combination. Like a friend, a girlfriend, a  _ soulmate. _

Jane shuffles closer to Mike, mouthes  _ I love you  _ against his shoulder and knows it isn't for him.

Everything Jane has to offer is Max’s.

Anything Max wants is what Jane will get for her. Anything for her.

Mike’s fingers press a little against her back, and Jane wishes she were in Max’s arms. She imagines tilting her head back and smiling sweetly at her soulmate, eyes soft and sugar sweet. Eyes full of love, love that doesn't feel like a lie.

Music plays, drowning out most of Jane’s thoughts until the words sink in.

_ You won't admit you love me and so how am I ever to know? You always tell me perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. _

She imagines laughing in Max’s ear, a breezy  _ I love you  _ falling from her lips, imagines Max picking it up and swallowing it whole. She imagines a shared confession, something emotional and relieving all the same. Something she can put her heart into and receive in equal measure.

To love and be loved in return. That's really all Jane wants.

The song ends, shifting into something faster paced. Mike pulls away, and his smile is so pleased and soaked in adoration that she can't really comprehend it. It stings at the corners of her mind, and she knows it’s ending tonight.

Her heart hurts for him, and as she watches Max look to Robert, her heart hurts for herself, too.

“Can we talk after this?” Jane asks, tone light. Mike nods, missing the inherent awfulness of the phrase.  _ He's going to be absolutely blindsighted,  _ Jane thinks guiltily.

“Definitely.” He says, pulling her into a group dance with the rest of the Party.

* * *

The car stops outside of her house. Mike shuts it off and turns to face her, a happy buzz in his eyes. “So, what did you want to talk about?” He asks, pushing a hand through his hair.

It’s dark enough that she can't really see his face. Maybe that's a good thing. She doesn't really want to see the look of utter hurt on his face when she tells him, but a part of her thinks she should see it as some sort of punishment for being the one to hurt him.

“I lied before.” Jane blurts out.

“About needing to talk?” Mike sounds amused. “Like, if you just wanted to hang out that's cool-”

“No,” Jane interrupts. “About the dreams.”

It’s like all of the energy in the car is drained immediately. It feels unnaturally still, like the world has stopped spinning and all the air has leaked out.

“What do you mean?” Mike asks, and Jane can hear the strain in his voice.

“I’ve had dreams.”

“How long have you been having them?” He wonders. Jane thinks maybe she can see his hands gripping the wheel, knuckles white.

“A couple of years.” Jane admits, ducking her head shamefully.

Mike takes a ragged breath. “Who is it?” He forces himself to ask.

“It’s Max.” Jane’s voice is softer than a whisper, but they could’ve heard a needle hit the ground.

Mike laughs, the sound hollow. “Jesus, Jane. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have-” his voice gets a little higher, and Jane’s stomach twists into knots. “Fuck, I don’t know. I would have helped you get the girl or whatever.”

Jane reaches up, and she realizes her face is wet.  _ When did that happen?  _ She thinks.  _ When did I start crying.  _ “Mike, I’m sorry. I know I should’ve told you, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. It’s like the words kept getting caught in my throat.” Jane explains, and she feels so goddamn awful that she’s hurt him, but a small part of her is glad that she told him the truth. That part will grow, she knows it will, but now she’s thinking of his pain, of his hurt.

“I don’t want you to think you had to tell me this,” he says. “And I don’t want you to feel like you had to tell me this because it’s personal, I know that, but I guess I just wish you had told me after all. I just feel so stupid about it all, and I know it’s not your fault. We don’t choose our soulmates, but the funny thing about soulmates is that if we had a choice, I think we  _ would  _ choose them. You know what I mean?” He sniffles a little.

“Yeah,” Jane clears her throat. This is the feeling stuck in her lungs. This feeling that she didn’t choose Max, but if she had a choice it would have been Max. There’s something inevitable about it. “Yeah I know what you mean.”

“I’m sorry. I know I’m being a dick about it. I guess I’m just surprised, but that doesn’t mean I have to take it out on you.” Mike apologizes.

“Hey, no.” Jane grabs his wrist. “I should have told you sooner. We  _ were  _ dating after all. I was just scared of losing you, I think. I kind of swallowed down my fear and pretended I was okay with it all, but I wasn’t. Like, at all. I felt so guilty around you, but you’re one of my best friends and I couldn’t stop hanging out with you.” Jane confesses. This is Mike, her best friend. She loves him, and she knows he can’t be upset with her forever even if he will need time and space. Jane thinks she’d need time and space too if it was her.

“I might need some time,” Mike warns her. “But you’re my best friend, and I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you either.” Jane tells him.

“Good.” Mike grins, and Jane reaches over and hugs him tightly before getting out of the car. “Night.”

“Night.” Jane waves before running up to her door, slipping inside and bursting into tears.

“Jane?” Hopper wanders out of his room, instantly gathering her into his arms when he spots the tears.

“I broke up with Mike.” Jane blubbers. “And I’m scared he’ll hate me forever because he’s not my soulmate, and I know he won’t, but I can’t help but worry about it. And I’m scared my soulmate won’t love me back.” She clings tighter, and Hopper lets her cry until she falls asleep.

* * *

Max twirls her on the dance floor, smiling sweetly. “Aw, aren’t you pretty in your little party dress.” Max compliments her.

“Thanks.” Jane beams. “I had to dress up for my stunning date.” 

“You are such a charmer.” Max pokes her side gently.

Jane giggles, leaning into her embrace. “You love it.”

Max smirks at her. “You know it.”

* * *

Jane rolls over, awake and falling back asleep before she can even process her consciousness. She reaches and arm out, draping it across the place Max’s waist would be if she were here.

She’s back asleep within seconds, and there are plenty of hours left for her to dream.

* * *

She’s singing a duet, but she has no clue where her partner is.  _ She should be here,  _ Jane thinks, holding out a high note for two beats before taking a breath on the rest. She twirls, lets her dress swirl out around her, and she thinks if she were a princess she would wear a dress like this to every ball, and she would laugh every time it spun out like this.

There’s a beat of silence, and Jane hears a voice join hers. She spins, grinning widely at Max who is clad in a James Bond style tuxedo, hair straightened and smiling dashingly.

“Hope I’m not too late to join the party.” Max says suavely.

“You’re right on time.” Jane smiles, and she lets Max sweep her off her feet. She is all smiles and easy charm. All laughter floating on the breeze. All love and adoration as the romantic duet winds to a close.

The stage lights are brighter than the sun, but Jane has never felt more content than she has in the moment, her body tightly wrapped in Max’s arms.

“Together we make a pretty good team.” Max tells her before dipping her, smiling down at her before kissing her.

Man pulls away, and Jane stares at her in wonderment. “Together.” She echoes.

Jane jolts from her dream, the ghost of Max’s lips on hers, and she smiles. She knows what she has to do.

* * *

Jane hangs into the straps of her backpack anxiously, making her way to Max’s locker. She looks exhausted, and Jane’s stomach drops. It’s been a few days since Jane has seen her, and now she understands why. Max looks like she’s sleepwalking, eyes heavy and exhausted in a way Jane has never seen before. Her mouth moves slightly, wobbly like she’s moving underwater.

“Max?” Jane touches her shoulder, biting down on her lip when Max jumps a little, turning around slowly. “Are you okay?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. I’m totally fine, Jane. Are  _ you  _ okay?” Max turns it around on her, and she looks so sad and pleased with herself it hurts to see.

“Um, yeah, actually. There’s something I wanted to talk about. Are you okay to talk?” Jane wonders, heart racing almost as fast as her mind. She wonders if Max is on the brink or if she’s already toppled over. There’s a point where the mind and body are so exhausted dreams and real life become inseparable. You can’t tell if you’re dreaming or if it’s actually real life, and more often than not you think you’re dreaming. Jane really hopes she hasn’t passed that point yet.

Max nods. “Of course, Jane. I always have time for you.”

Jane blushes, and she thinks maybe this is it. Maybe she and Max will finally be together. “I’m in love with you.” She says, and Max’s face falls. Jane pushes past it. “Max, you are my soulmate. In my dreams it’s you. It’s always you. I love you so much, okay? I can’t even comprehend how much I love you, alright. And it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, I just needed to finally be honest with you and with myself.” Jane confesses, reaching out and touching Max’s shoulder.

Max laughs, the sound sharp and bitter. It takes everything in Jane not to recoil at the sound that shatters like glass against her skin. “These stupid fucking dreams again.” She walks away, pulling out of Jane’s grasp.

Jane watches her leave, and something shatters inside as her soulmate leaves her behind.


End file.
